When I began my private practice, the majority of my clients suffered from depression. What I’ve noticed over the years is a trend towards anxiety ~ especially in the teenagers I see. When adults ask me why kids are so anxious, I turn the questions back toward them: “Well, aren’t YOU?” There’s a lot in the world to be anxious about, even for those without the genetic predisposition for it. To compound that, as a society we are more aware than ever of every little thing there is to be anxious about because we are under a constant barrage of global information thanks to the internet, mobile phones, and our constant access to computers and social media.
Four years ago I had the distinct pleasure of working with a young lady who spontaneously began describing and labeling different degrees of anxiety. I had never considered the nuances and variations of that particular emotion and thought her discussion of it was brilliant! Working with her descriptions of the various levels of anxiety she felt, we crafted a plan for how to respond to each one of them in order to alleviate her symptoms.
Over these four years, I’ve often thought back to this amazing client and our work together. It’s taken quite a while but I’m finally developing this exercise into a more formal intervention. I find it as fascinating as it is helpful as I ask my clients “How anxious do you need to be?”
Like a frightened bird, anxiety likes to find a “safe” place to land. So, while many folks suffer from generalized anxiety, they can swear that it is absolutely THIS thing that makes them anxious. Sometimes they are right. Public speaking, flying, driving, dental work, and needles are all fairly common phobias that can temporarily change the personality of an otherwise calm, cool, and collected individual. Sometimes what we label as anxiety might be more accurately called stress but, when we and others respond to it as full blown anxiety, our stress might ramp up to more closely resemble it!
What are the various degrees of anxiety? I’m glad you asked! Here is a list of words that I and some of my clients have used, along with descriptions (all subjective!) of what these words mean:
I’m certain there are more gradations of anxiety and encourage you to come up with your own ideas. What I find useful about considering their ideas about anxiety states with my clients is our ability to specify our responses based on what they actually need. Responding to stress as if it’s panic isn’t going to work and treating someone who is panicking as if they are just stressed out won’t work either! Family members labeling someone as anxious when they are truly just worried about something isn’t helpful. Once upon a time I mentioned to a friend that I had been “worried” about her daughter when the more accurate phrase might have been “concerned” – I haven’t heard from her since!
Another bonus to thinking through these feelings with clients is that the very act of considering how anxious they are tends to bring their anxiety down. Once they ask themselves that question, they are in a better position to question how anxious they need to be to respond to their current situation. From there, they can make use of the tools we develop together to calm their emotional reactivity.
Of course, anxiety can be quite serious and can render someone unable to leave their home. If that’s the case, I urge you to see a doctor. Anxiety can make someone suffer so horribly and relief can often be found in a prescription and some very mindful weekly therapy.
Nevertheless, I hope next time you feel a little anxious, you can ask yourself: How anxious do I need to be? And I hope doing so helps you feel calmer.
Please feel free to contact me or make an appointment through my site: www.margaretperlsteinmft.com.