Is there a solution for all issues that bring folks into therapy?  It’s great when folks come into therapy with some resolvable issue – the need to get along better with their kids, communicate better with their spouse, improve co-parenting between couples whether they are doing so together or apart, or work toward alleviating anxiety or depression.  Believe it or not,  those issues significantly improve or resolve completely with a bit of focus and work.

Unfortunately, not all things that bring people into counseling can be resolved.  No amount of therapy or talking can erase the loss of a loved one or turn back the clock to a happier, healthier time or circumstance, there’s no magic than can undo an unfortunate diagnoses or terrible accident.  Unfortunately, these are things that must be borne rather than resolved.  It’s not easy.  It’s painful and, often, lonely.

While therapy can’t necessarily change the reality of your circumstances, it can help support you through the process of grieving and re-building your life in ways that honor your loss and accommodate your new limitations without having to stay stuck in them.  When we go through such a life-altering situation, our decisions and values get re-examined, we need to struggle to find a way to incorporate our unexpected dissonance into the tapestry of our lives.  We never really “get over it”, we are changed by it and the visions we previously had about how our lives would unfold must also change.

Although loss is never easy, a mindful progression through our grief can help us add meaning to our lives which stems from that loss, it can help us become better people as life progresses beyond that fateful moment, it can give us inspiration that changes the course of our plans.  At it’s worst, loss is a deep and difficult pain that we must struggle to come to terms with and tolerate as best we can until, slowly, we can breathe just a little bit easier some of the time.

Last week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Lauren Kenney at Hospice by the Bay about the sacredness of grief work.  We agreed that, when confronted with a client who is grieving a loved one, nothing can be done to make the situation better.  A therapist can’t bring the dead back to life.  The job for the therapist and the client is to sit together in the pain and suffering of the grief until, together, we find a way to stand up and start moving forward, living with the loss.

If you are struggling with coming to terms with a loss, please consider giving me a call.  I’d love to help you work through it.  Below is the link to Hospice by the Bay which, besides giving care to the terminally ill, also provides grief counseling and support.  It’s a wonderful organization.

http://www.hospicebythebay.org